It’s not that you have to understand,
But please, please don’t judge.
Don’t judge when I just want to stay in bed all day and sleep away the madness.
I’ve done well, overall.
But that’s my story and my experience.
Yes, I have been strong.
But I am also privileged, resourced and have plenty of happy childhood memories.
And I couldn’t have made it here without the confluence of those four.
Believe me when I say that living with OCD is hard work.
On my worst days, I use every ounce of strength to get out of bed and stand on my shaky legs.
I go through the most difficult days feeling as though a heavy, concrete weight has nicely placed itself in the pit of my stomach.
I wander through those days in a terrified daze.
I’m not present, I’m lost in a horrifying, anxiety-fueled, fake world.
I know it’s not reality but still, it keeps me firmly gripped in its claws.
Those are the worst days.
Many of the other days are not so bad.
And some are very good.
I’m one of the lucky ones.
So please don’t judge.